we belong
to our mothers
before we ever
belong to ourselves
and so, my story begins
as all children’s stories do-
with her story
she was born
to Amelia Lopes
and John Santos
of Stonington, Connecticut
on Sunday April 4,1954
her given name; Sandra Lopes Santos
the last child
and only daughter
born to Azorean-Portuguese parents
her older brothers
were John and Kenneth
one a Harvard cardiologist
the other a fisherman
she was born with
cerebral palsy-
(a birth defect)
physically
it affected her
ability to walk
with ease
and restricted the
use of at least
one of her arms
i imagine
the emotional toll
of her disability
too large
to quantify
she graduated
with Stonington High’s class of ’72
but she never learned
to drive a car
or hold a job
in June of 1979
she married Ned,
my father
two years later
I was born.
about this writing
this piece of writing is part of a bigger project: (my second book) Born On a Sunday. Born On a Sunday is a particular kind of memoir; it’s a book full of stories told and memories revisited through poetry + personal narrative, photographs and other art mediums. I’m sharing this writing in particular because today is the 27th August 2nd since my mother Sandra passed away and in just one week’s time (spirit willing) I will turn 43- the age Sandra was when she died. I understand the ways in which I view and experience life may seem a touch unconventional to some. there is a mystery and a magic, a romanticism present each day of my lived experience and for so long I thought I’d be better off ignoring or hiding those parts of me. it’s only been in the last 6-7 years that I’ve come to know and own that fact that had I been unable to access this place within myself, the place between the physical and energetic worlds, I probably wouldn’t have survived many of the days of my life. it’s Leo season and I know that sounds a bit dramatic and so perhaps it is – but it’s also the truth. and so I want you to know, I am not this way because my mother chose to give me away, I am this way because this is who I am & also who I chose to be – I came in this way and then a lot of shit happened, not unlike you and your life experience and so in this moment in time, during this sacred (to me) stretch of days and weeks, when there is so much to feel, what I feel most deeply (this year) is love and a deep belonging to myself and my loved ones + so I thank you for that, for being here & reading my work week to week, month to month but for also meeting me off the screen too, for seeing + celebrating what it means to be all of Stephanie, xo!
santos scribes 
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